Letter: If I leave you, you'll kill yourself.

I've hated the person I was years ago but turns out I've still been hating myself for being that person and it's so wrong because all that WAS me and this is also me so there's no point in hating. But I think you're doing the same thing with yourself for whatever reason. The way things ended in your relationship, you hated your past self for it but you've been hating ur present self too. And this isn't right because it makes you so fragile and vulnerable and you're stronger than that. It makes you a people pleaser and you shouldn't be.
I don't think you are like this way with other people but you are definitely like this with me. And I DON'T feel good about that. Maybe it's because you see HER when you talk to me or maybe you just see yourself. But I have evolved from the phase you're going through. I still have some shortcomings that I'm trying to work on but I don't make myself dependent on just ONE another person anymore without whom I'll fall apart.
Yes, it has given me commitment issues and phobias in return but also stability of mind. So good compromise.
But you, on the other hand, I think if I stopped being your friend, you'd either turn into a creepy stalker leech person or kill yourself. That scares me. You should definitely have more friends, more people you can count on so I don't matter too much. Because I don't want to be the one to carry that burden.
This doesn't mean that I don't like you in my life. You are someone I can share everything with. You and I think the same thoughts. We're both so much alike, but on all the negative aspects and that isn't a good thing because I'm trying to change those.
I need more self-esteem that spreads off far wider than just the words 'I'm awesome and I know it' and you do too.
I need to be able to trust myself first and then others. And allow people in my life, be vulnerable to them but also stable enough to handle myself when they exploit that vulnerability. And all that that I preach to myself, I'm also preaching to you.
Because I am TERRIBLE at managing relationships and friendships. I go weeks, months without talking to people I care most about when I'm focused on something. And the effect of it shows when those relations get strained and cracked.
Don't do that. Don't make my mistakes.
Don't just make me the centre of your attention. Because I will forget you too, it wouldn't take long. And your persistence will just annoy me.
Live your life.
Work on yourself.
But more than that, start thinking about your self-worth.