Purpose for existence

Do you ever wonder how your life affects someone else? How much of an influence you are to others and what parts of you are intertwined with other people in the world?

You can't go around living in isolation even if you wish to and so that touch you leave behind with everyone you've met, isn't that your true legacy?

We, humans, are conscious beings with brains, life, voices. And yet we go around from birth to death in an endless cycle of work and talk and nothing else.

There is no purpose, just aimless existence. Then what makes us go on? What makes us keep breeding and breathing without falling utterly in despair? Is it our ability to ignore what does not serve us happiness? Or is it the emotions?

Because life is worth living as long as you can feel right? Everything from joy to pain to hatred. It all exists. It is what keeps us ALIVE.

And that's our legacy.

Not how much work we've done for people, not the money we've earned, not the things we've achieved or the glory.

It's the emotions and how much you've made others feel. And was it good or bad?

Even the negative impacts, one mean comment could make someone remember you forever but should that be the measure of your life? Each scalding comment, unescapable fury. The pain you inflict upon others, the scars you carve on them is your mirror.

I don't ever want to look in that mirror and be afraid.

But sometimes I wonder what I would see. How much have I affected others? Have I done ANYTHING good at least? Or is my life's worth just another penny in the universe, something too small, inessential and yet in existence.

To have people see you with care in their eyes, to have SOMEONE SEE YOU, and be glad....that's something to live for.

Now I can point out that since all life is meaningless, someone else's thoughts mean just as little or just as great as my own (it is all a matter of how i see myself and that is exactly how I'll see others too) but why else would there be so many humans and so many thoughts and this unflinching bond and urge to connect with others if not for the reason of existence.

Maybe that's our purpose in life. To wound and heal others. To inflict and embrace their pain.

We're cruel. We're kind. It all exists because we do too.

One can't help being mean. You can be the nicest person in the universe and still have lied to one person or hurt someone. It is impossible to please everyone and with our own whims and selfishness, being pure and innocent in this world is not possible.

And that is why it is all about proportions and intentions and finding a balance between your actions and your emotions in respect to what you give out into the world.

I hope that when I leave - when I am nothing more than ashes or dust; my words are forgotten, my memory faded- the love and kindness I set out into the world in small quantities in the lives of anyone I ever knew, remains and grows.

So if I ever get a chance to look at myself in that mirror, right before I close my eyes forever, I can say that my teary eyes were at least happy, if only for the first and last time.